Sesshoumaru's World Conquest In a Day
by Mr. Miagi's Banana Factory
Summary: CH8 UP! Sesshoumaru decides to take over the world. Featuring preschool slaves, spiteful milkmen, senile people, gummy bears, superheros, obsessive sluts, purple dinos, evil lil bros, and the evil Inuyasha & co.
1. Default Chapter

Over hither and yonder in a far off hick town lived a small child, who wasn't actually small, nor a child, but felt like saying so ayway. This fraud kid was the same brat whose writing this tedious disclaimer trying to tell you that I own jack shit. I hope this has made you feel special.

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Sesshou maru's World Conquest in a Day

Chapter 1 The Building of the Fortress (along with disney world, egypt, and a few other goodies)

On one of those perfect days that almost every author likes to start out with, Sesshou maru was once again fighting against his evil half brother Inuyasha and his diabolical posse, so that he could finally claim what was very rightfully his. It was suddenly that the stubborn wench, known as Kagome, "accidentally" fell over, tripping Sesshou maru, and made him fall into the bone well. He was then plopped into the world that the lil' ho bag came from. 

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1:07 am

Sesshou maru: Where am I?

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Jakken: It seems that we have been transported to another realm, my lord.

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Sesshou maru: Jakken? How'd you get here?

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Jakken: I was sticking twigs in that big furry thing of yours, and somehow got stuck. Basically, I fell in with you. What I'd like to know, though, is where Rin is.

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Back in the other world...

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Rin: *walking around looking for Seshoumaru*

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Big Dog: *eats her*

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Back to Sesshou maru

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Seshoumaru: Rin's a smart girl. She'll be fine on her own.

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Jakken: So... now that we're here, what're we gonna do?

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Sesshou maru: *ponders* I believe that today I feel like taking over the world.

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Jakken: But that's impossible to do within a day.

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Sesshou maru: Don't interrupt my ponderment. *kills Jakken* Now then, I do believe that I will be crowning myself the ruler of this new world, even though I don't know squat about it, nor have I gotten out of this confounded well. Hell, I'm even talking to myself. Well, whatever. *jumps out of well* Hmm... That house over there... wait, I shouldn't be able to see the house yet... *walks out of shed* Hmm... That house over there, maybe I can find out some valuable information from the ones who dwell in it. *makes his way towards the house*

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Meanwhile...

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Kagome: Oh no! Seshoumaru's now in my world! Mother, grandpa, brother, my cat, please be alright!

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Inuyasha: Kagome... we're supposed to be evil. You know e v i l.

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Kagome: Since when?

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Sango: Since Seshoumaru's ideals of killing innocent people out of convenience and having no regard for life became righteous.

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Kagome: Oh right. *ahem* Damn me, damn you, damn everybody! BUWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

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Miroku: May we evoke the powers of hell and playboy on our quest of evilish evil!

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Shippo: Humans, demons, that squirrel over there, I will eat you all!

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Inuyasha: Let us now go to that other world and make it burn! BURN! KYAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Oh, and kill bro, too... HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

The evil Inuyasha posse then jumped into the well.

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Sesshou maru: Old man, where am I?

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Kagome's grandaddy: You are CHEESE!!!!

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Sesshou maru: So I am in the world of You are cheese.

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Grandaddy: CHEESE!!!!

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Sesshou maru: Okay fine! I'm in the world of You are CHEESE!!!! Don't get your panties in a wad. Anyway, where is your leader?

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Grandaddy: MAY GOD REIGN KETCHUP UPON THEE LIVERWORST!!

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Sesshou maru: I think I'll just be going now. *leaves and goes to a random preschool* Hmm... I smell children.

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Teacher: May I help you?

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Sesshou maru: No. *kills her* I will make this place my base, and force all of the children into slave labor. Yes, I do believe that it would be the most noble thing to do. *nodds in approval of his decision*

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Lil kid: Scuse me mister, but are you gonna join us at our slumber party?

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Sesshou maru: A what?

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Lil kid: Our school was having a slumber party today. That's why it's 1 something in the morning. *looks at teacher* Is she sleeping?

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Sesshou maru: No, she's friggin dead, and you'll be, too, if you don't cooperate. From now on, you and all of your friends here are my slaves. Now wake them all up and build me a pandoga already, you worthless piece of shit!

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Lil kid: WWWAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

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Sesshou maru: Shut up! *smacks lil kid* Now do as I say dammit!

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At Kagome's house...

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Kagome: Grandpa, I'm home with friends! We're here to kill people!

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Grandaddy: CARROT WILL RAIN ON THE PAJAMA INCUBATOR!

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Sango: I think your grandpa's mentally ill.

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Miroku: Let's kill him.

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Shippo: Rip, tear, KILL!!! HUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

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Grandaddy: THE SPOONS!!! OH THE HORRID SSSPPPOOOONNNSSS!!! HOW THEY NIBBLE AT MY PINKY TOES SO!!

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Inuyasha: Shut up you old fart and tell me where my brother is!

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Grandaddy: THE REMEDIES OF HEALTH PRAISE THE THESAURUS OF THE POCKET HANDBOOK!!! THE COMPLETE CONCORDANCE OF HARRY POTTER IS FULL OF GRACE AND IS THE PATH THROUGH SCRIPTURE AND FLIES!!! 

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Inuyasha: .....

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Back to Sesshou maru...

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Sesshou maru: Work faster you pathetic children! *cracks whip* I want the life size version of ancient Egypt completed within the hour!!!

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Lil Boy: But sir, we already finished the padoga and an upgraded Disney World in the last ten minutes, which by all human standards is physically impossible, but somehow was managed anyway.

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Sesshou maru: You sure do use big words for a lil boy. You piss me off! *whacks him with whip* No more sugar rations for you!

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Lil Boy: But how will I be able to work at the speed of light without a decent sugar high?!

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Sesshou maru: DON'T YOU TALK BACK TO ME! *whacks him again* You will respect my authoritah!

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Lil Boy: But-

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Sesshou maru: MY AUTHORITAH!!

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Lil Boy: *runs off screaming*

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Sesshou maru: Lil nuisance. Well, no matter. The dogs will catch up with him soon enough. Now then, I must hold a stragetic conference... Jakken!.... Oh wait, I killed him already, huh? No matter, I'll just revive him... wait, no. I already fed his corpse to my new Doberman... ah crap. Well anywho, I must figure out my next move... Of course! I must destroy the leader of this world! Hey kid! 

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Lil girl: Yes master?

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Sesshou maru: Who's your leader?

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Lil girl: T-the teacher sir.

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Sesshou maru: Okay... and her leader is?

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Lil girl: Umm.... the milk man?

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Sesshou maru: The milk man?

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Lil girl: Uh huh. Whenever we leave the class room, the milk man goes in, and she always says stuff like 'Wrong me, show me whose my boss man' and stuff like that.

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Sesshou maru: So the milk man is the ruler of the world. I must find this milk man and destroy him! What does this infidel look like?

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Lil girl: He looks all white and wears a funny hat.

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Sesshou maru: All right then. I will now venture forth and kill this abomination, followed by becoming the new leader of You are CHEESE!!!!

How long does it take to bull doze a mime? What would happen if gypsies stole your undies? Why does the sky always remain out of reach? Chances are none of these questions will be answered, but read the next chapter anyway! Find out useless crap in the next installment of Seshou maru's World Conquest in a Day! 


	2. Milkmen on Strike

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Sesshou maru's World Conquest in a Day

Chapter 2 Milk Men on Strike

In a basement under one of those happy go lucky Walmarts, the milk man union met, discussing very important, top secret plans.

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Lead Milk Man: It has finally come to this. We must take over this world and set the cows free! Only then can we romp in the land of overflowing dairy. For it has even been told in the Dairy Bible, 'Blessed are the cheesemakers, for they shall inherit the earth!'

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Milk men: Yiss yiss!

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Lead Milk Man: We shall strike tomorrow, and take no prisoners!

Too bad for them that Sesshou maru planned to conquer it today.

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2:23am

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Sesshou maru: I must find the milk man headquarters and destroy them all. Then nothing will stand in my way of world conquest. Let's see now... that there looks like a good source of information. *walks into adult bookstore* Hey you, man at the counter, tell me where the milk men are, otherwise I'll kill you, and... Good God! What the hell is that?! *grabs black marker off the counter and begins to fill in clothes on the porn star in a random poster*

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Clerk: Hey dude, you're gonna have to pay for that!

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Sesshou maru: On everything I see here, all of these women... and no clothes!!!! ARGH!!! *begins destroying every nude image he sees* TAKE THAT VILE FILTH!!!

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Clerk: Dude, you gay or somethin?!

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Sesshou maru: No, and you piss me off. *kills him* Well then, I do believe my work here is done.

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Meanwhile...

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Inuyasha: Damn it! Where could that hot, sexy, drool worthy brother of mine be? Ima kill him!

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Kagome: Yes! We must... We must kill! KILL!!! HUWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! *starts killing random people*

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Miroku: My only question is where we could find him. It's like looking for a needle in a haystack. *oblivious of the preschool behind him with lil kiddies worshipping a large Sesshou maru statue*

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Sango: I don't know... Wait! I've got it! *points* That quickie mart! I bet he's hiding there!

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Shippo: Rip, tear kill DESTROY!!! SET IT ALL ON FIRE!!! BURN!! BBBUUUURRRNNN!!!!

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Back to Sesshou maru

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Sesshou maru: I'm still yet to locate the horrid base of the vile milk men. Once I do, though, I will kill all of the people who reside there, and claim myself ruler of this world of You Are CHEESE!!!! Now then, who should I question? *grabs paper boy* You! Tell me the whereabouts of the milk men!

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Paper Boy: How should I know? I'm just a kid!

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Sesshou maru: You're working for them, aren't you? AREN'T YOU?!

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Paper Boy: I don't know! I swear!

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Sesshou maru: Fine then. You are now officially my new slave. Head to the padoga boy! *sends him running* Speaking of which, I wonder how those rascals are doing...

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At Padoga...

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Lil Kid: Quickly! We must finish the new Magic Mountain before Lord Sesshou maru arrives!

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Lil Girl: How can we?! All of my friends got crushed under the big blocks when building the pyramids!

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Lil Kid: We must! Otherwise, Master won't give us candy!

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Lil Boy: No please! Anything but that!

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Statue worshipper 1: hmmmm bodi bodi bodi hmmmmm bodi bodi bodi *translation: Sesshou maru is a hotty Sesshou maru is a hotty*

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Statue worshipper 2: I can't take this anymore!!! I wanna sleep with my teddy!! WAAAHHHH!!!!

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Head kid: Release the dogs!

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Ravenous dogs: *eat Statue worshipper 2*

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Head kid: Let's have no tears, tell your hearts no need to cry, for then Master will shine down upon us and reward with munchies and crunchies!

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Or so they think...

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Sesshoumaru: Dang it! I've been walking around for the past twenty minutes and still can't find them!... Oh, hello... *watches milkman walk into the back of Walmart* Hwahahahahah, I've got you now... Wait for me oh precious dairy giver, for your milk lending days are to run out like the sand in the hour glass. *follows*

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Inside the quickie mart...

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Kagome: Hojo?! What're you doing here?!

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Hojo: Kagome, I work here.

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Sango: I see, so a man who is desperatley in love with you, but you don't give a shit about, works at this quickie mart.

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Inuyasha: Hey you! I'd like two Mountain Dew slushies, an extra large bag of popcorn, and a Kondike bar.

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Hojo: Excuse me but, err.. this is a Walmart.

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Dramatic music (Da da DDDAAAAA!!!!)

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Miroku: A what?

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Hojo: A Walmart.

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Da da DDDAAAAA!!!!

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Inuyasha: Wait, one more time, I didn't catch it the first time through.

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Hojo: A Walmart.

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Da da DDDAAAAA!!!!

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Hojo: Okay, that's getting really old

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Kagome: Hey, what's that shouting coming from?

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Hojo: Well you see, my babilicious beauty, there is a meeting going on downstairs. Something about world conquest.

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Kagome: Hmmm... do you think Sesshoumaru is down there?

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Hojo: Who?

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Kagome: I wasn't talking to you. Inuyasha-

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Inuyasha: Yah, I think I'll also get an extra large nachos, fudge sunday, chocolate milk shake, a slice of pizza, two jumbo hotdogs, and hamburger with the works.

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Miroku: You sure you aren't pregnant or somethin?

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Inuyasha: No, it just so happens that I have a very fast metabolism.

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Kagome: I DON'T HAVE THE MONEY TO PAY FOR ALL OF THAT!!!

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Inuyasha: Well why the hell not?!

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Hojo: You guys can have what you want for free. I hate this job and was planning to quit anyway.

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Inuyasha: And once again, it has been proven that there is a god.

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Sango: You guys can eat later. First, we must go downstairs and see if we can find Sesshoumaru.

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Downstairs...

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Lead Milkman: You have all now been equipped with your cheese armour and milk guns. Let us now say the sacred dairy chant in order to enhance our reflexes for the upcoming battle.

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Sesshoumaru: *walks in* You must be the milk men. I will kill you all, and take my place as ruler of You are CHEESE!!!!. 

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Lead Milkman: Eegad! They're onto us. Okay men, take no prisoners! KILL!!!

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Milkmen: Ay ay! *start shooting milk guns*

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Sesshoumaru: EEEKKK!!! You got that crap into my luscious hair!!! *pissed* I'm going to eat you all! *begins attacking milkmen*

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Kagome: *runs in* Were's all that screaming coming from... I didn't know Sesshoumaru ate people.... 

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Inuyasha: Brother! IMA KILL YOU!!!

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Sesshoumaru: *finishes eating remaining milkmen* Inuyasha. So you have followed me to this place. Fine then, I will kill you... what are those horrid stains on your shirt?

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Inuyasha: Probably a mixture of fudge, hot cheese, and chile.

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Sesshoumaru: Since when do they carry quickie mart stuff at a Walmart?

Da da DAAAAAA!!!

Inuyasha: I dunno.

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Sesshoumaru: Well, as I was saying before, I will kill you, but first I think I'll help myself to a few munchies.

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A few minutes later...

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Sesshoumaru: Mmm... chile cheese nachos are so satifying.

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Kagome: don't think I've ever seen a person eat a banana split so fast in my entire life.

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Sango: .... He ate a few dozen milkmen in three minutes, and a banana split amazes you?

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Kagome: Well yah, but think about the brain freeze!

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Sango: Good point...

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Inuyasha: Are you ready Sesshoumaru?!

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Sesshoumaru: Quite... oh, wait, *gobbles a piece of pizza* Okay, now I'm ready. Prepare yourself!

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3:02am

What would happen if mice made a parade? Why do dogs chase their tails? How come most anime dubs suck? What would it feel like if you filled your shoe full of peanut butter? none of the questions really matter, and have nothing to do with the next installment, but read it anyway! 


	3. Inuhyasha's Weakness

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Sesshoumaru's World Conquest in a Day

Chapter 3 Inuyasha's Weakness

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Inuyasha: You don't stand a chance! I got me a big sword that kicks your sword's butt!

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Sesshoumaru: So? You've had that sword for many episodes now, and yet you still have failed to destroy me.

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Inuyasha: Shut up! Let's end this!

3:06am

Sesshoumaru: Brother, though I do hate you more than anything on this earth and despise the very ground you walk on, I had still hoped not to use this on you, but now it seems I have no choice.

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Inuyasha: Save your stupid lecture and fight me!

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Sesshoumaru: I was getting to that. Be patient, will you? *ahem* Behold! Inuyasha's weakness! *holds up a bar of soap*

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Inuyasha: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!! KEEP IT AWAY FROM ME!!!

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Miroku: Soap... that's kinda pathetic.

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Kagome: In this incident, I hope Sesshoumaru wins. I've been trying to get Inuyasha to take a bath for a whole long time now, and he still hasn't.

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Sango: So that's why he smells so gross. 

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Sesshoumaru: Even when you were young, you never EVER took a bath! Your stupid mother loved you so much that she spoiled you rotten damn it! Oh how I loathed having to sit in that watery bath tub, watching you play in the mud. Now, that will all be changed for I WILL WASH YOU!!!

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Inuyasha: No way! I haven't had a bath my whole life, and there's no way I'm starting now! *lunges at Sesshoumaru*

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Sesshoumaru: *grabs Inuyasha* No, I think you will. *drags Inuyasha to random bath tub* Now then, I'll make sure that there are extra fluffy pink suds, just for you.

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Inuyasha: NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

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Sesshoumaru: *trying to push Inuyasha in* Come on now! In you go to get nice and squeaky clean!

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Inuyasha: NEVER!!! I'LL NEVER TAKE A BATH!!! I WON'T, I WON'T!!! *gets plunged in*

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Sesshoumaru: *scrubbing him up* Ah man that's gross! You're growing mold in your arm pits!

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Inuyasha: Hey! That's a great back up food supply, I'll have you know!

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Sesshoumaru: Welp, time to scrub it away!

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Inuyasha: MIROKU, KAGOME, SANGO, SHIPPO HHHEEEELLLLLPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Miroku: *sitting in a theater chair eating popcorn* This is actually quite amusing.

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Kagome: Gee, I haven't had gummy bears for a while. *about to eat strawberry gummy bear*

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Gummy Bear: No, please!!! Don't eat me! Help me, somebody! AAAAHHHHH!!!! *gets eaten*

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Down in the bag full of gummy bears...

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Blue Gummy Bear: My friends, one of our gummy compadres has been sent to the depth of the firery tum tum. It is time that we took our revenge.

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Green Gummy Bear: If we're originally German, why did you say a Spanish word?

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Blue Bummy Bear: Cuz the author doesn't know German.

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Green Gummy Bear: Ah.

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Yellow Gummy Bear: Let's wait till the wench has gone to sleep and we'll stab her!

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Orange Gummy Bear: With a BUTTER KNIFE!!!

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All other Gummy Bears: *gasp*

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Purple Gummy Bear: Such harsh ways of dealing with things! Is there no way we could do this more civilized?

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Blue Gummy Bear: No, the orange and yellow ones are right. It is time that we take a stand. Once the murderer has fallen to tiredness, we attack!

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Back to the bathing incident...

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Inuyasha: My power... draining... weaker...

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Sesshoumaru: Oh stop whining. Time for the footies! NASTY!!!

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Kagome: That's what I first said.

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Miroku: Ew, that's just gross. I think I'm gonna barf up my goodies... *looks at pizza in his lap* Then again.. *starts scarfin*

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Shippo: KILL BURN DESTROY TEAR RIP DEMOLISH DESTRUCTION!!!!

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Sango: I've never seen anything so hideous in my whole life!

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Inuyasha: Will you stop staring at it!

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Sesshoumaru: Inuyasha... you're growing mushrooms on the bottoms of your feet.

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Inuyasha: It's another back up food source. At least I make things accomodating.

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Sesshoumaru: Just knowing that you'd eat that disgusts me. *starts snipping them off*

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Inuyasha: Stop it! You continue and then I'll be pretty like you!! STOP!!!!

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Sesshoumaru: Sorry hon, but the world needs more bishounen.

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Inuyasha: EEAGHH!!!

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15 minutes later...

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Inuyasha: Am I done yet?!

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Sesshoumaru: No, now we've gotta do the shampoo and conditioner. Is it just me, or do you have little furry critters living in your hair?

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Furry Critter: You bastard! You destroyed my home!

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Sesshoumaru: This is getting more sickening by the moment. *sprays pesticide on furry critter*

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Inuyasha: *sad* You're killing my friends...

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Sesshoumaru: It's all in the best of intentions so shut up.

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Inuyasha: The smell of the fruity soaps! Oh how they rip at my senses and tear my soul!

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Miroku: I thought they smelled quite nice, actually.

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Kagome: Like a field full of wild flowers!

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Sango: With a hint of lemon.

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Sesshoumaru: Okay, bath's done! Now time to dry! *brings out huge fan*

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Inuyasha: AAaagh!

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Sesshoumaru: All done! Now you look and smell sooo pretty!

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Inuyasha: I don't feel good. Think I'm gonna barf up my guts.

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Kagome: We'll retreat for now, but I warn you, we will come back for you Sesshoumaru!

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Inuyasha is carried off by the other guys.

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Sesshoumaru: I win? Does this mean that I am the new ruler?

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Computer screen: Greetings, oh powerful demon man. I see you have defeated the milkman squad, but you are no match for my power.

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Seshoumaru: Who are you?

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Computer: This is a message from an all powerful being. I will reveal myself to you later, in order to build suspense during a couple more chapters.

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Sesshoumaru: That sucks.

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Computer: Farewell, Sesshoumaru, for only when you beat me will you be able to claim your title as the true ruler of the world! *turns off*

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Sesshoumaru: That's so not fair. Fine then, I will just have to go on a mini quest to find and kill the voice behind the screeny thingy.

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4:22am

Ya know, after talking with a few people I came up with the most brilliant and original idea. I'll start actually using this commentary part to write what will be happening in the next chapter! I know what you're thinking, I'm a total genius, but being the humble type of person I am, I will not force you all to worship my greatness, though if you still want to, I certainly don't mind. Afterall, even though I'm now being exaulted as the smartest person in the universe, I'll say that I'm not the perfect person, not getting them high grades of 2.0 averages so there is no need to feel inferior. I'm obviously not stupid, though, because I got a 71 IQ and a 71 is a C, which = a passing grade. Anywho, in the next chapter gummy bears shall strike on the evening mist with the vengeance of the peanutbutter and ham cups! So don't miss the next installment of Sesshoumaru's World Conquest in a Day, The Gummy Bear Vendeta.


	4. The Italian Stallion

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Sesshoumaru's World Conquest in a Day

Chapter 4 The Italian Stallion

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4:30am

Inuyasha: I think I'm dying.

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Sango: Don't be stupid. You're just not feeling well because you've never had a bath before.

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Miroku: Inuyasha, if you do die, I will do everything I can to comfort Kagome in her loss, including being a shoulder to cry on, a friend with benefits, a boy toy, and so on, because that's the wonderful type of friend I am.

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Inuyasha: Ya know, I'm suddenly feeling a hell lot better.

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Miroku: Oh. *smacks him on head* DIE ALREADY!!!!

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Kagome: *yawn* I'm getting sleepy.

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Miroku: May I be of assistance as a large sized teddy bear?

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Kagome: No thank you, but thanks for offering. I'm glad atleast SOMEBODY cares. *silence* ahem, SOMEBODY CARES.... *more silence* INUYASHA!!!

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Inuyasha: Whatcha want?

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Kagome: You're so dense!

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Inuyasha: What happened to your being sleepy?

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Kagome: You still don't get it!

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Inuyasha: Oh please just shut up and go to sleep!

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Kagome: Know what, fine! We're through! I'm going out with Miroku now because he actually cares about me!

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Miroku: Not really. I just think you have a hot ass.

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Kagome: .....

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Inuyasha: Really? What caught me was the chest. Man, for a ninth grader, YEEHAW!

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Kagome: I can't believe you guys have been sizing me up this whole time!

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Miroku: Speaking of which, did Kikyo have big boobs? I couldn't tell through the kimono she was wearing.

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Inuyasha: I'm afraid that has always been an enigma to me, cuz whenever I tried looking down her shirt, she'd curse me or something.

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Miroku: Damn, that sucks.

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Inuyasha: I know.

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Kagome: Shut up! I'm trying to sleep!

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Inuyasha: Who cares?!

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Miroku: Hey, let's go to a strip joint and get a lap dance or two.

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Inuyasha: OK.

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Shippo: DANCE DANCE DESTROY!!!

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Sango: I'll go with you, too, so that you don't do something naughty like talk to strangers.

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Inuyasha: Fair enough.

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Kagome: I can't believe they're leaving without me. Well, fine! I'll be okay on my own. I'll just keep myself cozy in this here dumpster and have the best sleep ever!

_Down in the bag of Gummy Bears_

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Red Gummy: Finally, the tyrant is fading!

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Blue Gummy: Now divine justice shall be served!

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Red Gummy: Prepare the butter knife!

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Orange Gummy: We are ready to invade!

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Red Gummy: Ready yourselves, for this will be a long, agonizing battle. Bloody and cruel, we shall fall in numbers, but by our faith and vengence, we shall be victorious! I will say to you, not all of you will be coming back alive, but by your willingness to fight for our cause, you do not only fight for this bag of Gummy Bears, but for all the bags of Gummy Bears all over the world! And for them we say 'Vive le Libate!"

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Green Gummy: Um.. sir... you're speaking French now... badly butchered French at that. Shouldn't you say something in the native tongue of our homeland Germany?

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Red Gummy: Normally I would, but the author only knows one German word so... 'Gutentaghe!'

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Green Gummy: Spelled wrong, but that works.

_In the dumpster..._

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Kagome: I'm so tired....

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Voice: Do not fall asleep!!!!

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Kagome: Who said that? *stands up* What?!

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Super Hero: If you fall asleep, the gummy bears shall kill you!

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Kagome: Um... Hojo, why are you wearing a sheet and tights?

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Hojo: Err... I don't know of this Hojo whom you speak. I am none other than the caped enjineer of righteousness! My name is none other than... The Italian Stallion!

****

Kagome: Huh?! But you're Japanese!

****

Hojo: We'll just ignore that factor for the time being. Wait, how would you know what and what not I am?!

****

Kagome: Cuz yer my classmate

****

Hojo: No! I am not this Hojo person! I am from the European continent, in a place known as Italy!

****

Kagome: ...But you had just said you were actually Japanese.

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Hojo: Don't try to twist my words! *jumps into dumpster* Now then, young damsel, let me whisk you away from this place of vile stinkiness to somewhere of more luscious fragrance and laundry detergeant.

****

Kagome: Okay! 

_In the bag..._

****

Green Gummy: Oh no! We are being thwarted!

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Red Gummy: Curse you Italian Stallion!

****

Orange Gummy: Oh well. There will be other nights! Just wait, and we will kill her!

****

Gummys: MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

_Outside..._

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Italian Stallion: Onto the rooftops, my lady, to where the stars await us!

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Kagome: Coming! *falls* AAAGGHHH!!!

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Italian Stallion: Oh no! My love has fallen from the roof tops, and has plunged to a very messy, bloody death! Oh, what horrid sorrow. The gummy bears, the CURSED GUMMY BEARS!!!! They are responsible for the death of my love! For this foul treachery, I shall punish you all!

_Gummy Bears..._

****

Gummys: Ah shit.

_Italian Stallion..._

****

Italian Stallion: *eats gummy bears* Now that you have suffered the consequences, I shall disappear into the shadows of the night and fight for justice, hoping that one day in the afterlife, I will be reunited with my love once more.

****

Sesshoumaru: Hey you!

****

Italian Stallion: You are?

****

Sesshoumaru: I'm a demon trying to take over the world. If you're gonna be trying to save the planet, then I'm afraid I'll have to kill you.

****

Italian Stallion: I see. Normally, I might try to beg to be your lacky, but, considering the circumstances, I am not afraid of dying for justice. 

****

Sesshoumaru: If that's your choice.... you must die.

****

Italian Stallion: No, not until another night. Until then, I must bid you farewell! *jumps into his Pinto and drives off*

****

Sesshoumaru: It seems that I have a new arch nemesis.

_Meanwhile..._

****

Inuyasha: I can't believe we got kicked out of that bar!

****

Miroku: Well sorry if I find it hard to restrain myself.

****

Sango: I swear, you're such a dirty pervert.

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Shippo: PERVERT PERVERT PERVERT KKKIIILLLLL!!!!!!!

****

Miroku: Ah shaddup.

****

Inuyasha: Hey, where's Kagome?

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Miroku: I dunno.

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Inuyasha: *shrugs* Oh well, let's go find Sesshoumaru!

****

Voice: Be warned, if you seek evil, you will find evil!

****

Sango: No shit.

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Inuyasha: Who are you?!

****

Italian Stallion: I am the defender of righteousness and all that's good. I am... The Italian Stallion!

****

Miroku: What's with the bed sheet and the tights?

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Inuyasha: It looks... so cool.

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Italian Stallion: I will fight against my new enemy Sesshoumaru, so don't fret, oh beginning groupie. Now, I must away! *jumps back into his Pinto*

****

Inuyasha: The Italian Stallion.... Wow... He's my new hero!

****

Miroku: You are easily impressed.

****

Inuyasha: We must help the Italian Stallion! C'mon let's find Sesshoumaru!

****

5:02 am

Another chapter ended. Sesshoumaru had second to no lines... oh well. Next chapter, he'll have plenty of speaking to do. I don't feel like saying what the next chapter is about, cuz I'm lazy. It will be installed sometime, when I get around to writing it. Till then!


	5. Battle of the Old People part1

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Sesshoumaru's World Conquest in a Day

Chapter 5 The Battle of the Old People Part 1

Old lady Kaede was sitting at home, eating her food, and getting fatter by the second, when a thought occured to her.

****

Kaede: NEWSPAPER COURT CIVILIAN SEARCHED MOODLE IN STRIP MOUSE!! ALL BOW BEFORE THE POWER OF TURNIP BUTTER!!!

Which translates to...

****

Kaede: Hot damn, I'm out of garlic sauce.

The old senile woman then remembered Kagome once saying that you could buy it in her world, so Kaede plopped into the bone well and began to wonder the streets of nowadays Japan.

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5:21am

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Miroku: We've been searching for Sesshoumaru for twenty minutes, and still nothing!

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Inuyasha: *gets on knees* Oh wonderful Italian Stallion, I have failed you!

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Sango: Hey guys! I found something that seems to be Kagome's remains.

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Miroku: .... they killed off the heroine.... well then, let's just watch the flames rise.

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Inuyasha: Atleast one good thing has come of this. *starts picking up remains* We've got free food!

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Shippo: EAT EAT RIP!!!

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Sango: My, aren't we demonic today.

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Shippo: HUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

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Kagome's Grandpa: *walks over* THEY WHO PRINT ESSENTIALS SHALL SHOP BROADER CHASE OF CARMEN SANDIEGO!!!

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Miroku: Oh no.

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Kaede: *shows up***** WEBSTER'S BIBLE OF THE HEALTH ON COMPAQ WILL CHAMBER THE ESCAPE FROM MAURY!!!!

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Inuyahsa: We're surrounded!

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Grandpa: *points at Kaede* OH HORRID SPINACH THAT WREAKS MY BUTTONS OF VIGOR!!!

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Kaede: PHOTO ALBUM OF PINK SHALL EAT YOU TO THE ARMPIT AND SMELL YOU STINKY!!!

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Grandpa: MAY THE GODS SPIT ON YOUR CELERY AND PISS UPON YOUR BUCKET!!!

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Kaede: THE CITY OF THE SMART LEAF SHALL DOINK YOUR KARP!!!

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Miroku: ... is it war?

****

Inuyasha:Oh yah.

_Meanwhile..._

****

Sesshoumaru: Ugh, I'm so utterley bored with nothing to do. *sees a bar* Hmm, those are usually a good source of information. Maybe I can find out about the voice behind the computer screen from chapter 3. *walks into bar*

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Waitress: Hey there baby, can I get you something?

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Sesshoumaru: No, I just want to know who the man behind the computer in chapter three was.

****

Waitress: I don't know about that any, but I do know that I have some playmates behind my shirt that are dying to meet you.

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Sesshoumaru: I wouldn't suggest keeping people in your shirt. It's just wrong.

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Waitress: Oh, so you don't like figures of speech and want to get right down to the dirty points. *fingering his shirt* I like that in a man. 

****

Sesshoumaru: *offended* I am not a man! I am a demon, I'll have you know!

****

Waitress: I bet you are quite the demon in bed, baby!

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Sesshoumaru: *indignant* Hmph! I'm a demon wherever I am, thank you.

****

Waitress: *turned on* Oh! Show me, baby, show me!

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Sesshoumaru: *sigh* If you insist. *uses flashy claw thing to kill bar tender*

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Waitress: .... you weren't kiddin, were ya...

****

Sesshoumaru: No, I was quite serious. Why, what did you think I meant?

****

Waitress: *looks at him*

****

Sesshoumaru: Oh.............. OH! OH GOOD GOD!!!! 

****

Waitress: Demon or not, you're pretty sexy. You can wrong me any day baby.

****

Sesshoumaru: GET AWAY FROM ME YOU INTOLERABLE SLUT!!!

****

Waitress: Don't hate, don't hate! I'm just itchin' to be indulged! *pounces*

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Sesshoumaru: *dodges* BACK YOU SCANTILY CLAD FIEND!!!

****

Waitress: What's wrong sugar foot? Do you know how many men would kill to be in your position?

****

Sesshoumaru: Never! I plan to leave a bloody chaste life, and no hobag will take my virginity!

****

Waitress: .... you haven't done it?

ATTENTION ALL FANGIRLS!!! ATTENTION ALL FANGIRLS!!! SESSHOUMARU IS FREE TO THE HIGHEST EXTENT!!! CLAIM WHAT YOU WANT WHILE IT'S STILL ON THE MARKET LADIES!!!

****

Sesshoumaru: SHUT UP YOU STUPID WARNING POST!!!! I HATE YOU!!!!! 

****

Waitress: Oh well, it doesn't matter if all of your groupies do come for you, you're mine!

****

Sesshoumaru: That's a very unfair assumption! I mean, I don't even know your name.

****

Waitress: It's Peaches, baby. I'm 22, living single, and am an E cup. What's more to know? Now let's screw.

****

Sesshoumaru: NO!! Oh nasty images! NASTY IMAGES!!! AAAHHHH!!! MY EYES BLEED LIKE THE DEVIL!!!! *rolls around on floor in pain*

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Peaches: Down and dirty on the floor. I LOVE IT!!! *jumps*

****

Sesshoumaru: *watching her descend* NNNNOOOOOO!!!!!!

_Back to the old people... (yah, just what you want to see right at a moment like this, eh?)_

****

Inuyasha: Round one of the battle of the old people commensing now!

****

Miroku: *rings bell*

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Kaede: *jumps Grandpa* CABBAGE YOUR BEAN SRPOUTS!!!

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Grandpa: *judo's Kaede* LET THIS TEACH YOUR KABBOBS!

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Inuyasha: *speaking w/ mic* Well folks, this is an interesting match we have here today. Old lady Kaede has just karate chopped Kagome's grandaddy after receiving a blow to the stomach with grandpa's amazing flying side kick. Up in the air is Miroku with special footage. What do we have Miroku?

****

Miroku: *in chopper* Hey Inuyasha! It's looking all spectacular from up here. Many lovely beach bunnies can be seen tanning on the beach in their new summer bikinis.

****

Inuyasha: Wow, that IS special footage! Do you have any comments?

****

Miroku: Yes I do, Inuyahsa. To the blonde with the G-string, my number is 557-

****

Inuyasha: On the battle, I mean.

****

Miroku: The bitch fight, or the old people?

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Inuyasha: Ummm.... brief on the old people, in detail on the bitch fight. *perverted smile*

****

Miroku: Okay, to the old people. The old person is beating the crap out of the old person. Now that that's done, some hot brunette is mud wrestling with a red head. Whooie watch them go!!

****

Inuyasha: Oh please, do go into the specifics, oh great eye in the sky!

****

Miroku: Gladly.

__

In a dark alleyway...

****

Sesshoumaru: *panting* Whew, I can't believe I made it out of there alive and with my pants on. That was the worst... most awful enounter of my life.

****

Voice 1: Did you see where sexy went?

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Voice 2: Nope! Still lookin.

****

Voice 3: That sucks! I really wanted to tech him the horizontal mombo.

****

Voice 1,2,3: *giggle*

****

Sesshoumaru: Ah crap, they're searching for me. *chanting to self* I will live a chaste life, I will live a chaste life, I will live a chaste life, I will-

****

5:40am

Will he really live a chaste life? Well, maybe if you get your hands on him, he won't, but that's why you aren't showing up in this series. Who will win in the battle of the old people? And what will come of the mud wrestling beauties? Actually, they don't matter (sorry boys), so screw them. Anywho, find out on the next installment of Sesshoumaru's World Conquest in a Day Battle of the Old People Part 2.


	6. Battle of the Old People part2

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Sesshoumaru's World Conquest in a Day

Chapter 6 Battle of the Old People Part 2

****

5:43am

Sesshoumaru dodged through the corners of the dark alleyways, doing his best to escape from the evil whorish women that were after him. As he moved on, he suddenly heard a noise coming from a few streets down.

Sesshoumaru quickened his pace in curiosity of what could possibly be taking place. Then he came upon it.

****

The Battle of The Old People

****

Miroku: Oh! And bimbo #1 has ripped bimbo #2's top off! There is no way those things can be real!

****

Inuyasha: Man, that's what great stuff's made of!

****

Miroku: Almost forgot, how are the old dudes doing?

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Inuyasha: It seems that they... I dunno, actually. All I see is a wrinkled thing attacking another wrinkled thing. It's quite disturbing, actually.

****

Miroku: Hmmm... Bimbo #1 is now completely in the nude! 

****

Inuyasha: Yes! All right!

****

Sesshoumaru: *busts on out* Little brother! How could you turn to such ways of perversion, you sick little child?!

****

Inuyasha: I'm not a child! I'm a big boy now!

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Sesshoumaru: Big boys don't wet the bed!

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Inuyasha: BROTHER!!! THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A SECRET!!!

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Miroku: ... you what?

****

Inuyasha: It doesn't matter!

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Sesshoumaru: You're so marching home right this instant mister! And then you're getting a big spanki-

****

Peaches: THERE HE IS!! GET 'IM GIRLS!!!

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Sesshoumaru: Ah shit.

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Mob of Girls: *charges*

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Miroku: A swarm of girls... after a guy who doesn't want them... why does life have to be full of such injustices?

****

Inuyasha: Ladies, ladies! Considering my brother is so unattached, I am more than willing to be your play toy in his stead.

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Miroku: *suddenly down on the ground* Me too! 

****

Inuyasha: I called it first!

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Miroku: Fine, can I be vice play toy?

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Inuyasha: ... okay.

****

Peaches: We don't want you! We want that sexy bizznatch over yonder!... Hey, where'd he go?

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Girl 1: *pointing* He's over there!

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Mob of Girls: *chase after Sesshoumaru*

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Miroku: Ladies! Wait for me!!!

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Inuyasha: Me first!

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Miroku and Inuyasha: *chase after mob of girls*

Meanwhile...

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Grandpa: METABOLIFE OF CHEESEPUFF SHALL BEAN YOUR CABBAGE!!!

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Kaede: MAY BURRITOS WITH COMPAQ STICK YOUR PEPSI!

(translation)

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Grandpa: You wanna piece of me fu?

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Kaede: Oh, you are so dead.

Suddenly, Kagome's ghost appeared.

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Kagome: Grandpa, Kaede, you must stop this!

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Grandpa: HOLY SNITTZERNANNER PIE!!

****

Kaede: FOR ALL BEANIES AND CREAM!!

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Kagome: Please, become peaceful and crap so I don't need to keep appearing in this world.

****

Keade and Grandpa: ???

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Kagome: It figures you don't understand. You see, here in the afterlife there are a bunch of sexy love muffins, all ripe and ready for the taking! Instead of being with one semi hot half demon on earth, I get to hang out with billions of full blown stud muffin bishounen! 

****

Kaede: ... PEAS AND CRACKERS!!! *trans: Frank Sinatra, I'm comin for you baby!* *kills herself*

****

Grandpa: EH??? MY FOOTS IS MITOSIS!! *trans: Crap, I won? Sweet!* 

****

Kagome: Wow... that was easier than I thought. Welp, back off to my sweeties!

While all that was happening, Sesshoumaru found himself tiring from the ever long pursuit. Then it occured to him.

****

Sesshoumaru: Oh yeah, I forgot that I can fly! Just need to think happy thoughts. *imagines being a priest at a monastery* I'm flying!!!

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Mob of Girls: He can fly!

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Miroku: He can fly!

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Inuyasha: That is so not fair.

Sesshoumaru then soared through the air, totally happy and stuff, but sadly didn't see that big building up ahead and kinda crashed. He then fell into a dumpster, aka: Secret passage way to the main villain's lair. He walked down many secret corridors, and then stopped in a dark room with a big cushy chair's back facing him.

****

Voice of Main Villain: Welcome battousai.

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Sesshoumaru: ... wrong series. I'm that demon dude from Inuyasha, not the fag from RK.

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VOMV: Oh... so sorry. *ahem* Welcome Sesshoumaru.

****

6:04 am

Who is this evil villain that Sesshoumaru now must face? Why are so many people out so early in the morning? Was the RK spoof at the end even understandable? Does anyone even know what RK is? Why do I ask so many questions? Only the first question will be answered in the next Chapter of Sesshoumaru's World Conquest in a Day: The Face of Icecream. 


	7. The Face of Icecream

Finally! After a long, tedious time, I have finally gotten around to writing the ever anticipated 7th chapter to this fic. What can I say? I got very uninspired very quickly. Now, though, I hope it'll come out okay and you all will like it. I will also take up this space to tell y'all to read and review my Harry Potter fic cuz I say so! Yes, useless promos are necessary. Anywho, let's all read, be gay, do unclean things and be happy!

****

6:05am

Sesshoumaru glared at the dark figure in the chair, not knowing who he was. What did he want? What was this man's purpose? Why did his butt itch? So many questions he had, yet many would probably go unanswered.

Sesshoumaru: Who are you?!

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Voice of Main Villain: The one person no one would ever expect who shall soon destroy the earth!!

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Sesshoumaru: I wasn't talking to you! *back to mouse in corner* Now then, your name is?

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Mouse: Squee!

Sesshoumaru's World Conquest in a Day

Chapter 7 The Face of Ice cream

VOMV: Hey! You're supposed to be paying attention to me!

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Sesshoumaru: SHUT UP!! Can't you see that Squee and I are having a heart to heart conversation?!

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Mouse: Squee?

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Sesshoumaru: Don't worry little buddy. I feel your pain.

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VOMV: Dammit, now you have invoked my wrath! *pushes button*

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Squee: *whacked with mousetrap and dies*

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VOMV: Now may I have your attention?!

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Sesshoumaru: *gasp* Y-you killed Squee... YOU BASTARD!!! WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?!

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VOMV: I am none other than one of the ones your brother so loves relatives.

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Sesshoumaru: Crap, that tells me a lot. 

****

VOMV: Maybe you will know me now! *steps out of shadows*

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Sesshoumaru: ... er.. you're one of my slave kids???

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Main Villain: NO! It's me, Sota! Kagome's little brother?!

****

Sesshoumaru: ... who?

****

Sota: grargh... dumbass

****

Sesshoumaru: It doesn't matter who you are. You obviously are one more person who stands in my way, therefore I must kill you in order to clear the path to my victory.

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Sota: Oh, you think it'll be that easy, do you? *snaps fingers*

Right then, a door behind Sesshoumaru and stepped inside none other than Barney and Baby Bop (the Japanese dubbed version!!!).

****

Barney: Konnichiwa shoujo to shounen! *dumb laugh* 

****

Sesshoumaru: AAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Meanwhile, Inuyasha and co. were walking around all pissed. Sango cuz she never had any lines because she's more or less just there in this fic, Miroku and Inuyasha because all the hot chicks had left, and Shippo because maniacal people have to be pissed in order to carry off that maniacal-ness.

****

Miroku: Damn, it's so not fair! Sesshoumaru gets all the hotties, and the best one of us can get is Kagome quality.

****

Inuyasha: Well, I dunno. I got Kikyo, and she was pretty hot.

****

Miroku: Compared to the bikini babes mud wrestling?

****

Inuyasha: *sigh* You have a point.

****

Shippo: DIE CRAP BURN!!!

****

Sango: SHUT UP YOU ALL!!! It's not fair! I don't do anything in this story plot! I'm surprised I haven't gotten killed off yet!!

****

Inuyasha: The forces of evil are too lazy, perhaps?

****

Sango: Well they sure as hell weren't too busy to kill off Kagome, now were they?!

****

Miroku: But they didn't. She fell off a building.

****

Italian Stallion: Did I hear the name of my long lost love?!

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Inuyasha: Hey! She was mine first!

****

Italian Stallion: I will ignore your existence and pretend that you never put your nasty hands on her!

****

Inuyasha: I'll have you know that she found my hands very sexy!

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Miroku: Guys guys GUYS!! C'mon, this is Kagome you're fighting over here! There are much more buck some, beautiful ladies out there, trust me! Please do broaden your horizons and forget about the dead chick.

****

Inuyasha: I guess you have a point.

****

Italian Stallion: Fine, we'll leave it at a truce for now. After all, it seems we are after the same guy.

****

Inuyasha: You out to kill Sesshoumaru too?

****

Italian Stallion: Yes, for you see, I am the righteous hero who must triumph over the evil villain and bring peace to the world.

****

Miroku: Well, there's just a slight problem with that whole theory. Ya see, Inuyasha and us groupies have had our roles switched and all, and are now kinda the villains while Sesshoumaru is the hero of the story.

****

Italian Stallion: How do you figure? He's kinda trying to take over the world, ya know.

****

Miroku: Yes yes, let me explain. Ya see, this world is corrupt and beyond the point of being able to save itself from it's evil, perverted nature. Thus, the world needs a savior to deliver it from the chains it has bound itself with. So, to put it simply, Sesshoumaru is the savior who has come to this world from evil.

****

Inuyasha: You mean... he's Jesus???

****

Miroku: Well... that's rather a sacrilegious thing to say but.... ah what the hell? I'm sure we've offended other people already by treating girls like sex objects, making fun of old people, harassing the porn industry, picking on German gummy bears, and poking at people with bad hygiene, treating milk men like garbage, not to mention child abuse and... did we homosexuality or drug abuse yet?

****

Inuyasha: ...I don't remember....

****

Miroku: No matter. Basically, we've already insulted plenty of people and their beliefs, so I'm sure throwing in a little sacrilege won't hurt.

****

Italian Stallion: Getting back to the point, how are you guys evil then?

****

Miroku: Because we want to kill off the savior of the world and plunge it into the darkness of anime and porn... not to mention anime porn; best of two worlds in one shell, ya know?

****

Italian Stallion: I see. Then I have no choice.

****

Inuyasha: You're going to join us and give up the side of good and lightness?

****

Italian Stallion: No, I will join Sesshoumaru and defeat you, stopping you from pursuing your evil intentions any farther. Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be hopping into the Pinto-mobile and locate your brother. Then I will come back and vanquish you. *jumps into pinto and leaves*

****

Inuyasha: Wow, and to think that if he had just finished us off first, then went to find Sesshoumaru, it would have made his life much easier.

****

Miroku: Not to mention reduced his gas bill by a bit.

****

Inuyasha: Yeah, don't you just hate those high prices?

****

Miroku: That's way we stick to the pedestrian way of life, my friend.

While that was all going on, Sesshoumaru was now sitting there on the ground of the villain's head quarters floor, feeling quite traumatized by the Japanese Barney and Baby Bob... oh, that's what I forgot! Yeah, we make fun of Barney and Japanese dubbing too.

****

Barney: Watashi no onaka ga totemo ookii desu ne!

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Baby Bob: Soo desu ka?

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Barney: Hai, soo desu!

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Baby Bob: Kyoo wa ii otenki desu ne!

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Barney: Hai, honto ni otenki desu ne!

****

Sesshoumaru: I can't take much more of this... You damn dinosaurs are pissing me off with your damn lingo which I can't understand, even though I should because I'm only Japanese, but am apparently too stupid to understand my own language, thus am forced to talk in English, ignoring the fact I'm still supposedly in Japan!!!

****

Barney: Anata wa kanashii desu ka?

****

Sesshoumaru: Bite me! Damn lizard.

****

Baby Bob: Dame!

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Sesshoumaru: No, not dammie, it's damn! Dammit, if you're gonna cuss then do it right!!

****

Barney: donna tabemono ga suki desu ka?

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Sesshoumaru: Pikachu your ass!

****

Barney: Nani??

****

Sota: I see you are disgruntled by my minions whom speak crap even I don't understand! Yes, this is the power of THE SOTA!!! HUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

****

Sesshoumaru: I can't take more of this... brain cells depleting... can't go on...

****

Baby Bob: Sesshoumaru ga daisuki!!!

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Barney: Daisuki desu ne!!!

****

Sesshoumaru: Somebody save me!!! *Smallville theme song starts to play* 

Just then, the Italian Stallion broke into the headquarters.

****

Italian Stallion: Never fear! The Italian Stallion is here!

****

Sesshoumaru: Oh no... not kiddie super heroes too...

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Italian: Do not fret, for I am here to save you Sesshoumaru!

The Italian Stallion then picked up Sesshoumaru, dropped him into the Pinto-mobile, and drove the hell on out of there.

****

Sota: So they think they can escape. Well not for long. It's fine, though, for the day is still young, and before it is over, it will... wait, I can't say that part cuz the readers can only find out my true intentions later on, as to build suspense and make everybody "Oooh" and "Aaahhh." Damn writing style.

So as the evil villain Sota plotted whatever it was he is plotting, which you won't find out till chapter ten or later... wait, no... well, it'll be the chapter when it starts out as 5:?? pm, k? Anyway, back with Sesshoumaru and his savior the Italian Stallion.

****

Sesshoumaru: You saved me?

****

Italian Stallion: Yes, and around now I would like to pronounce my love for you and make hot steamy love to you.

****

Sesshoumaru: *freaked out* ... why, exactly?!

****

Italian Stallion: Sorry, gotta say stuff like that so as to make sure we don't leave anyone out of the 'poking fun at' list. We can scratch gays off of it for sure now.

****

Sesshoumaru: Oh, let me help you there. *takes out heroine and shoots up* Now you can take out druggies too.

****

Italian Stallion: Oh good. Oh and would you mind drinking this bottle of vodka so we can take off drunkies too?

****

Sesshoumaru: Sure, drinking a whole bottle of vodka would probably kill the average human being, but I'm a cartoon character, so no worries! It's also why I was able to shoot up and feel no effects of it afterwards!

****

Italian Stallion: My goodness! You ARE the savior!!

****

Sesshoumaru: yeah... sure... *shifty eyes*

****

Italian Stallion: Anyway, just want to tell you that I, the Italian Stallion, will work for you solely in your goals for this world.

****

Sesshoumaru: Uh... okay.

****

Italian Stallion: If I might be good enough as to suggest my first mission, I believe it is time to rid yourself of the Inuyasha troupe.

****

Sesshoumaru: Are you trying to say you're trying to bump MY little brother off?

****

Italian Stallion: Yes, unless you have any objections.

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Sesshoumaru: Hell no! I've been trying to do that for lord knows how long! If you actually succeed then kudos to you pal!

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Italian Stallion: It shall be done.

The Italian Stallion then disappeared... to the best of his ability, he is human after all, and went off in search of Inuyasha and his compadres. Sesshoumaru then sat down where he was and began to plot the best way of defeating this little boy known as Sota... who liked ice cream, even though I'm not sure if that's true or not, but I figure the title has to have something to do with the story so yeah... Sota likes ice cream... on his face... there you go.

Will Sota be defeated? Will the Italian Stallion defeat Inuyasha and co? Will the Italian Stallion ever get a new car? Will Barney and Baby Bop make a reappearance? Are they even worthy of a reappearance? Will Sango die? Will Sango disappear? Will Sango just stop being Sango? Will there ever be an end to these stupid questions? Practically none of these will be answered, but read the next installment anyway (whenever it comes out) of Sesshoumaru's World Conquest in a Day: The Art of Horse Breeding. You won't wanna miss it... then again, looking at the title, you just might...


	8. The Art of Horsebreeding

Time for chapter 8 of this here fic, and I must say I'm sorry that I haven't been updating it oh so quickly. I'll do my best to get better at that. Anyway, this here is dedicated to Vice God Hoochieman, for this person is the one who gave me the title of this fic, though what it'll have to do with anything, I still don't know. Anywho, read, review, and join my religion.

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Sesshoumaru's World Conquest in a Day

Chapter 8 The Art of Horse Breeding

It ran through the streets with malice and evil intentions, willing to slay whatever was in it's path. Evil eyes surveying the road ahead of it, it breathed vengeance and cruelty. Made by the devil himself, it thirsted for human souls. Good thing for us that this lil' bugger is in a different city, eh? Now to the city Sesshoumaru's after....

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6:46am

Sesshoumaru walked through the streets, looking possibly for someone who might join a posse that would be able to defeat the wicked little boy Sota, who had bad things in store for everybody, though we don't know what exactly but should find out if this story is continued. It was while walking about he made a brief stop at his kindergarten slave school, to check up on how things were doing. 

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Sesshoumaru: Hmm... I see you have finished the Universal Studios dedicated to me. That is good, but I need something else, something diabolical that will defeat that cursed little boy...

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Head Kid: Um... you mean... like a broccoli factory?

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Sesshoumaru: ... Yes, that's it! All little children hate broccoli and other vegetables! I want you to start a factory that produces nothing more than broccoli and brussel sprouts. You are also to build cannons and powerful machine guns that shoot out Flintstone vitamins.

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Head Kid: But sir, I don't think we can do that.

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Sesshoumaru: Why the hell not, little boy?! Do you want me to rip your head off and feed it to the willy wonkas instead?!

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Head Kid: N-no sir! It's just that our sugar ration has been cut low, and we haven't been able to have our naptime!

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Sesshoumaru: In all aspects of truth, I don't care about your needs. You are to do exactly as I say until you die from an accident in construction, malnourishment, or if I'm bored and need something to do. Is that clear?

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Head Kid: ..... *bawling* WWWAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

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Sesshoumaru: *snaps fingers* Take care of this will you.

Two brute seven year olds then dragged off the screeching ex-head kid, to the tickle chambers of doom. Sesshoumaru sighed. You'd think a five year old could handle orders easier. No matter, there were more important things to do, like eat chicken. Sadly, there was no time for such glamourous acts, for much more necessary things were needed to be done. 

Meanwhile, the Italian Stallion drove about in his Pinto mobile, in search of the dreaded Inuyasha and posse. On the way, he sopped by the alley that held his beloved Kagome's memorial.

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Italian Stallion: Oh Kagome, my love, don't worry. Soon I will have brought justice to your death by thwarting those who murdered you.

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Ghost of Kagome: Um, hate to break it to you, but I wasn't murdered. I fell off of a building.

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Italian Stallion: My love speaks! Please say more, my dulcet darling!

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Kagome: .... Are you feeling okay?

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Italian Stallion: *brushes tear from eye* Even though you are in your fatal condition, you still worry for my health. Such concern moves my soul.

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Kagome: Okay, you need therapy. I don't exactly want you to die, either, because then you'll stalk me through the nether world, and that'll just suck.

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Italian Stallion: Do not worry, my angelic princess! I will live on in your memory! Now I must go and thwart the evil Inuyasha who is responsible for your untimely demise.

The Italian Stallion then leapt into the Pinto mobile, and sped off with a new found determination.

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Kagome: ... Some people just can't take a hint, can they?

Soon the Inuyasha party would be facing a showdown with this powerful foe, but at the moment, they had no idea what was soon to be upon them.

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Inuyasha: Man, I'm hungry! Sango, get me some food!

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Sango: Why do I have to do it?

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Inuyasha: Because the wife isn't here.

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Sango: Wait, hold up! You saying that Kagome was your wife?!

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Inuyasha: No. I just simply said the wife wasn't here. I never specified whom she was, nor who's wife either. Now get me food!!!

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Miroku: Hey there!

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Inuyasha: WTF??!!!

Inuyasha, Sango, and Shippo stared at Miroku in disbelief. He was decked out in pimp clothes, feather hat and all! Not to mention he had a whole harem full of beautiful women clinging onto him.

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Miroku: Well, whatcha think?

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Inuyasha: I think you'd ought to hand over a few of them fine ladies over to your dear friend Inuyasha, if you know what I'm saying.

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Sango: *smacks Inuyasha* You dolt! What would Kagome say? Kikyo say? Either of them if they were still alive?

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Inuyasha: They wouldn't say anything. They'd probably tie me to a park bench, rip out my manhood, nail it to a tree, and force me to eat earthworms or something.

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Miroku: And may I say that you are friggin stupid for giving her them ideas.

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Sango: *writing down everything Inuyasha said on a notepad* Miroku, what happened to you, anyway? *puts away notepad*

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Miroku: I went to the 'Bum With No Job' Center, and signed up to be a part time pimp! It's been a life long dream of mine, you know.

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Inuyasha: ME TOO!!! SIGN ME UP TOO!!!

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Miroku: Oh, don't worry. I already signed you up for a job!

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Inuyasha: REALLY?!! MIROKU, I LOVE YOU! Not like that, BUT THANK YOU!!!

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Miroku: Yes, you are now officially the head Pooper Scooper of Miss Kitty's Kitty Litter Testing Company.

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Inuyasha: .... on second thought, I hate you. I hate you more than British comedy.

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Miroku: Oh come on! You'll be making money, and you'll be meeting new fury friends, too!

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Inuyasha: Okay, Miroku. Let's put this into perspective. Say you and Sango have been friends for a long time, and every time you guys meet, Sango says, 'Hey Miroku, I need to take a shit. Would you pick it up for me?'

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Miroku: Yes, that would suck. That's why it's you in this situation, not me.

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Inuyasha: Why you-

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Sango: Enough! Neither of you will have time for jobs anyway, because both of you are needed to defeat Sesshoumaru, and stabilize the world in it's current position of chaos.

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Miroku: Hot damn.

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Inuyasha: Thank God!

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Italian Stallion: AHAH!! INUYASHA!! I HAVE FOUND YOU AT LAST!!!

Inuyasha and co looked up on a roof top to see none other than the dreaded Italian Stallion leering down at them. Soon, very soon, the battle between good and evil would begin. And as for the whole title, I REALLY don't want to bring any of that stuff into the fic, so you guys can use your imaginations and think up a side quest or something.

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7:01am

Who will win in the battle between the Italian Stallion and the Inuyasha party? Why do these chapters keep getting shorter? Why didn't Shippo say anything? Why does it take so long for me to update? Will this story actually go somewhere? Why aren't chicken Mc nuggets made better? Why are the burgers at Jack in the Box so big? Why are low prices always Walmart? Find out in the next chapter of **Sesshoumaru's World Conquest in a Day**, "The Epic Mini Battle." You won't want to miss it! 


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